Stuff for Sale
Howdy. Here are things you can buy with U.S. American dollars. Then you'll finally be happy. The emptiness inside you will be filled. And then we can celebrate together. But separately. All of these items are made by me, Tabia B., although the materials they were made from or of may have been made by nameless factory workers or shiny machines.
This is aptly titled A Celebration of Alkaline Batteries. This enticing drawing measures 8 5/8 by 7 inches American Standard inches. Pen and ink on sturdy Bristol board.
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Learning to Accept Changes Caused by Millenial Excess is a very sexy drawing that tells a story. A story about pescetarian love. This drawing roughly measures 8 3/8 by 7 inches American Standard inches. Pen and ink on Bristol board.
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For the adventurous among you (this is only one person, since there is only one drawing), there is this drawing. Only the Mysteries Remain After Looking into the Sun will look very stylish above your bed. Staring down at you. This magnificent stallion of an art piece measures in the region of 8.5 by 7 inchworms American Standard inches. Pen and ink on thick and firm Bristol board.
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This drawing called On the Suicide Note of James Fitzpatrick, a Beloved Friend of the Royal Navy Until His Death brings to mind fantastic times with emo kids. These words combined might seem oxymoronic, yet you know that there is some essential truth. This drawing is pleasantly sized (for your convenience) at 8 5/8 by 7 inches as per the Perry Hardwood Lumber yardstick. Ink with pen on Bristol board.
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Do you need help coercing people into eating the food you made? Is this a creepy Shirley Jackson kind of thing to say? Has eating food off of the floor lost its charm? This plate is the answer to two-thirds of these questions and more. It is sturdy and studly, able to hold little sandwiches on puffy white bread with the crusts cut off as gracefully and stoically as sauerkraut and pickled eggs with a wedge of moldy, dry cheddar. Use your microwave oven to heat this plate for use as a bedwarmer! Wash it lovingly by hand or in your space-age dishwashing machine! This hand-painted piece of history is yours. For a tidy sum of $25 American.
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